The story of Luca between suffering, faith and so much acknowledgment
I am forty-nine, it is the evening of the Immaculate Conception, or 8 December 2019, before going to bed I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I look at my face and I notice that there is a swelling at the base of my neck, fear assaults me right away, thoughts falter, emotion becomes uneasy, the soul becomes unstable.
The next day I go to the treating doctor who prescribes an ultrasound of the neck followed by some clinical laboratory tests.
The trepidation becomes ever greater, a new existential phase called Christian faith enters me. I turn to the Lord and to Padre Pio with whom I open a fruitful and intense inner dialogue made up of emotional exchanges and almost empathic relationships. My studies, degrees and various titles acquired are nothing! At the end of the clinical examinations, they advise me to export the lymph node from the neck, I carry out the requested operation, diagnosis: Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
My family understands the situation, begins to protect me: Simona, my wife, becomes a guide; Samuele, my almost adolescent son, a strength; my parents a hope; my brothers, guardian angels who suddenly find themselves accompanying an invalid in distress and agony; my sister-in-law observers of the unknown; my nephews fragile observers.
After the diagnosis, a specialized treatment center is sought, they opt for San Giovanni Rotondo, the village of Padre Pio. I meet the head of the Hematology department and at the first meeting he reassures everyone by communicating that in my case there is a cure and a cure and arranges a hospitalization in his hospital to carry out all the clinical tests.
The hospitalization occurs immediately, I remain in the ward for five days and the inexplicable happens! Next to the suffering of the many sick people who will remain etched in my mind and eyes and that I will hardly be able to forget, I begin to feel the presence of my guardian angel Padre Pio, his image comes between my eyes, in the middle of the chiaroscuro of the bricks that embellish the hospital, in my thoughts a condition of apparent tranquility transpires even if the soul expresses a restless existential condition, a mystery that I cannot explain in words or in writing, I don’t know if it is truth or illusion! However, I like the idea that in this moment of particular anxiety I was not alone, but assisted by someone who lived with me and who supported me in real daily affliction.
I start the treatments and after two weeks, the first effects: alopecia begins, I lose my hair, my son looks at me with his eyes darkened by a pitiful loving design, my wife gives me courage, the whole family tries to make me smile. I feel better and better, I try to go out, I no longer have annoying symptoms related to the disease, the therapy in my opinion is having an effect.
When everything seemed to come true and normalize, an ungrateful epidemic comes into play, which soon transformed into a Pandemic that encloses and annihilates the social and world system. The family, as usual, gives me courage, prayers support me and to these is added Father Mario, spiritual father and counselor who instills confidence in me.
In the meantime, the therapy continues, I go to San Giovanni Rotondo always accompanied by my brothers who take turns, the third moment of therapy arrives, the turning point takes place. I have to face a very delicate exam called Tac Pet, aimed at understanding if the therapy is actually bearing fruit. The day of the exam arrives, I am afraid, my eyes become shiny, the head of the department welcomes me, reassures me, I wait impatiently. There we are, I enter the clinic, a nurse gives me a drug and calmly tells me to wait. The moment arrives, they call me, I enter a room, I see a large machine, the assistant tells me to get on it. Afraid, I take the step, it lasts twenty minutes, the prayers intensify, the fear increases.
After waiting for thirty minutes, the nurse gives me the report. Her hand trembles, her mind sways, I open the report and start reading, her eyes begin to water, the reading is gentle, human loneliness is accompanied by a breath of hope.
On the report I read that the disease is no longer there, I begin to tremble, I call home and happily communicate what I was experiencing. The mind opens, an almost miraculous idea emerges in the thought, I am healing, I am cured, I am fine, the therapy is effective. I am in confusion, I refer to the doctors who treat me, they are enthusiastic … Life becomes a critical sense, everything has a different look, normality resumes.
Return home with happiness in my eyes! Easter is near, even if locked up for the virus that praises it, I can live it in a gratifying way.
Then comes the time to return to San Giovanni Rotondo to undergo a scan/pet to understand how my disease is evolving or rather to understand if this has actually regressed.
I leave in the morning at 5 am accompanied by my brother, the feeling of fear immerses my body, the immense palpitations sway at frequencies of unstable harmony, the thoughts are confused, the anxious breath is labored.
I await my call, the nurse glimpses my fears, she tries to reassure me with kind words. The doctor takes me to the room of the big “machine” and in an instant I can hardly get up to undergo the disputed diagnostic test. The nurse talks to me and with animated serenity transports me to that magnetic structure that fills my fears. The investigation begins, after about twenty minutes, the check ends, they help me get up and accompany me to the waiting room. Another thirty minutes pass, a kind nurse gives me the medical report. I look at it, I read, I interpret the words, I frame the sentences, I identify the concepts, I understand the speech, I interpret the diagnosis, the medical situation has improved, I am fine, nothing to highlight, I have no complications, there is no disease. Tears take the place of words and the sigh turns into dialogue.
With relaxed mind, I go to the hematology department. To welcome me is Doctor Scalzulli who, looking at the report, communicates that the disease has completely regressed: I am cured. At that moment everything in me has a color that accompanies and annihilates the existential void that has long since revolutionized me. Afterwards I am about to speak also with Doctor Cascavilla, who with calm kindness tells me the same interpretations communicated by my colleague.
The two doctors inform me, however, that it will be necessary to start another three steps of consolidation therapy. What a thrill to hear the term “healing” refer to, what a feeling to look into the eyes of those who have treated you and to see a free happiness inside.
In the following months, the consolidation treatments end successfully, after four months I do a total body CT scan and the result confirms the recovery.
To this day I continue to carry out the checks, but my life has changed.
I have begun to live, hope, love and thank the Lord and Padre Pio for the opportunity they gave me freely and which I joyfully try to reciprocate through an affectionate and present gaze of admiring interior prayer, which transforms my being and comforts him. with pleasant grace.
PS: I have to say many “thanks” today.
First of all, to those who allowed me to live and exist, that is to my parents who, with tenacity and participatory love, contributed to my cultural and personal formation. When I talk about my parents, I cannot omit the remaining family made up of my two big brothers, sisters-in-law and grandchildren, who continue to be present and participate in my life.
Thanks go to my wife Simona and my son Samuele, they are the result of a very pleasant interior movement that expands and incorporates the vitality of a profound emotional world.
Another thanks goes to myself, to my desire to exist, to my will to learn and to my playful reality of living.
Thanks go to the doctors of San Giovanni Rotondo (Doctor Cascavilla, Doctor Scalzulli, Doctor De Gregorio) and to all their team, who treated me with professionalism and value. I cannot end this note without expressing a particular thanks to the Lord and to Padre Pio who generated me in life and in infinite grace: thanks to them I feel different today and thanks to this diversity of human content I live every reality and every moment with simple joy.
Luca